Who's Really Writing Your Story? Finding Hope When Ministry Doesn't Go As Planned
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
When Plans Don't Close the Way We Expected
Recently, I found myself in a confusing place. There was a specific situation I had prayed over, planned for, and prepared carefully for, and I really believed it would be resolved before I stepped into the new season God had ahead for me. But it didn't happen. It stayed unresolved, and I felt the weight of that as I crossed into new territory.
Why didn't it close? Why didn't God see that finishing this would have been better, that carrying it forward into a new ministry would be harder?
These are the questions that keep missionaries awake at night. We come to the field with clear vision, careful planning, and deep conviction that we've heard from God. We steward our calling well. We do everything "right." And yet, things don't always unfold the way we anticipated.
What You'll Learn in This Article:
In this comprehensive guide to understanding hope deferred in missionary life and the biblical foundation for missionary debriefing, you'll discover:
Why unresolved circumstances might actually be part of God's purpose for your ministry (and not evidence you've failed)
The biblical Road to Emmaus model that forms the foundation of effective missionary debriefing
How hope deferred leads to missionary burnout—and what to do when your heart grows sick from delayed expectations
What Joseph's story teaches us about God's authorship in seasons that won't close
The Exchange at the Cross debriefing model and why it's transforming missionary care across Southeast Asia
Practical next steps for missionaries carrying the weight of unmet expectations
Whether you're a missionary struggling with deferred hope, a ministry leader supporting cross-cultural workers, or a donor wanting to understand why missionary care matters, this article will help you see God's bigger story when your plans don't unfold as expected.
Table of Contents
When Plans Don't Close the Way We Expected
But then I remember all the times in my life when things didn't happen the way I had wanted or prepared for—and how every single time, God's plan was better. Bigger. More purposeful than I could have seen in the moment.
Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." All things. Not just the things that make sense. Not just the ones that close neatly or arrive on our timeline. All things, including the unresolved, the carried-forward, the weight we didn't want to bear.
Joseph's Story: When Unresolved Seasons Prepare Us for Purpose
I think of Joseph. Sold by his brothers. Falsely accused. Forgotten in prison for years. Nothing about his story unfolded according to plan. But every unresolved season grew him. The pit taught him that God was with him even when everyone else abandoned him. Potiphar's house showed him faithfulness in small things before he could be trusted with great things. The prison refined his character and his gift—he learned to interpret dreams there, to serve without recognition, to trust God when there was no visible way forward.
Joseph couldn't see it in the moment. He couldn't know that the hurt, the injustice, the years of waiting were shaping him into someone who could carry the weight of saving nations. But later, he could say to his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Genesis 50:20). The unresolved seasons didn't just lead to his purpose—they prepared him for it.
Why Hard Things Grow Missionaries
The truth is, hard things grow us. They draw us deeper into His presence and give us more opportunity to lean into Him rather than ourselves. Carrying hard things—it's okay. Those unresolved burdens draw me into His presence. They help me rely on Him more every day.
Sometimes God doesn't remove what we're carrying because He's doing something deeper, teaching us that His strength is made perfect in our weakness, that His presence is more valuable than our comfort.
God is the Author of Your Story (And That is Good)
When plans don't close the way we expect, we face a fundamental choice: keep trying to control the narrative, or surrender to the Author who sees the full story.
The Hardest Surrender in Missionary Life
This surrender is one of the hardest lessons in missionary life. Missionaries are planners by necessity. They've counted the cost, raised support, learned languages, navigated visas, and built strategies for ministry impact. They've prayed, prepared, and stepped out in obedience. So when carefully laid plans unravel or circumstances remain unresolved, it can feel like failure.
But Isaiah 55:8-9 interrupts our assumptions: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
God is the Author of our story, not us.
Both Humbling and Freeing
This truth is both humbling and freeing. Humbling because it requires releasing control of outcomes we desperately want to manage. It means accepting that the current chapter might look nothing like what was planned, and the resolution we're praying for might not come on our timeline, or might look completely different than imagined.
But it's also freeing. The burden of writing a successful story doesn't rest on the missionary's shoulders. Missionaries are characters in a larger narrative, written by a sovereign God who sees the entire arc when they can only see the current page. The unresolved situation, the delayed answer, the circumstance that won't close, God is weaving it into a purpose they cannot yet see.
When missionaries recognize God as the Author, they can stop striving to force their preferred ending. They can rest in His authorship. They can trust that He is writing something good, even when the current chapter feels impossibly hard.
The Common Burden Missionaries Carry: Hope Deferred
Yet recognizing God's authorship doesn't eliminate the weight missionaries carry. In fact, hope deferred is one of the most common burdens missionaries bring to debriefing retreats.
The Holy Hopes Missionaries Carry
Missionaries arrive on the field carrying holy hopes:
Hope for ministry breakthrough and transformed lives
Hope for church plants that flourish
Hope for team unity and healthy partnerships
Hope for their children to thrive cross-culturally
Hope for language fluency and cultural belonging
Hope for faithful financial support
Hope that their sacrifice will bear eternal fruit
These hopes fuel perseverance through difficult seasons. They sustain missionaries through culture shock, loneliness, and the daily challenges of cross-cultural ministry.
When Circumstances Shift and Hope Turns to Discouragement
But when circumstances shift—when the church plant struggles year after year, when team conflict fractures relationships, when children face trauma or educational challenges, when financial support dries up, when the cultural barrier feels insurmountable, when health crises force evacuations—those hopes can turn to deep discouragement.
Proverbs 13:12 describes this perfectly: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick."
The Crisis Point: Questions That Lead to Missionary Burnout
When missionaries' hopes are repeatedly delayed or denied, when outcomes don't match their expectations, when the ministry fruit they anticipated doesn't materialize on their timeline, their hearts grow sick with a particular kind of grief. They begin wrestling with questions that feel dangerous to voice:
Did I mishear God's calling?
Am I failing at what I'm supposed to be good at?
Is my sacrifice meaningless?
Should I just go home?
This is the crisis point where missionary burnout takes root. This is where shame whispers lies about inadequacy and failure. This is where the enemy tempts missionaries to believe their unresolved circumstances are evidence of God's displeasure or their own unworthiness.
And this is precisely the moment when missionary debriefing becomes not just helpful, but essential.
This is exactly what happened on the road to Emmaus.
The Road to Emmaus: A Biblical Model for Missionary Debriefing
In Luke 24:13-35, we encounter two disciples walking away from Jerusalem after the crucifixion. They are confused, discouraged, trying to make sense of their shattered expectations.
"We Had Hoped": The Anatomy of Deferred Hope
When Jesus joins them on the road (though they don't recognize Him), they pour out their disappointment: "We had hoped he was the one who was going to redeem Israel" (Luke 24:21).
Notice the past tense. Had hoped. Their hope has moved from present expectation to past disappointment.
They had followed Jesus. They had believed He was the Messiah. They had left everything—jobs, families, security—to be His disciples. They had expected a political savior who would overthrow Roman occupation and restore Israel's kingdom.
Instead, they watched Him die on a cross.
Nothing about their story made sense anymore. The narrative they thought God was writing had completely unraveled. They were walking away from Jerusalem, walking away from the very place where resurrection was happening, because they couldn't reconcile their expectations with reality.
This mirrors the missionary experience more often than we'd like to admit.
What Jesus Did (And What We Model in Missionary Debriefing)
Notice what Jesus does in this moment. He doesn't:
Immediately correct their theology
Rebuke them for their lack of faith
Rush them to understanding
Fix their problems
Tell them to "just trust God more."
Instead, Jesus walks alongside them.
The Foundation of Effective Missionary Care
He asks questions. He listens. He creates space for them to voice their confusion, disappointment, and grief. He lets them process their story aloud, the story that doesn't make sense, the hopes that have been deferred, the expectations that have been shattered.
This is the foundation of effective missionary debriefing: creating a safe space for missionaries to tell the truth about what they're experiencing without being rushed to "right answers" or spiritual platitudes.
Only after walking with them, listening to them, and meeting them in their disappointment does Jesus begin to reframe their understanding. He opens the Scriptures to them, helping them see the larger story they couldn't see in their discouragement.
When Eyes Are Opened: The Transformation That Happens in Debriefing
And even then, He doesn't force revelation on them. He walks with them to their destination and acts as if He's going further, giving them the choice to invite Him in.
When they invite Him in, everything changes.
As Jesus breaks bread with them, "their eyes were opened, and they recognized him" (Luke 24:31). Suddenly, they could see the story differently. What had looked like an ending was actually a beginning. What had seemed like defeat was actually victory. The very thing that shattered their hopes was actually the fulfillment of God's greater plan.
This is the transformation that happens in quality missionary member care. When missionaries are given space to process, to grieve, to voice their unmet expectations, and then to encounter Jesus afresh in the midst of it, their eyes are opened. They begin to see their story through the lens of God's authorship rather than their own disappointment.
Exchange at the Cross: The Le Rucher Debriefing Model
This Road to Emmaus journey is the foundation of the debriefing model used at Compass Asia—Exchange at the Cross, developed by Le Rucher Ministries.
A Proven Global Model for Missionary Care
For over 35 years, the Exchange at the Cross debriefing model has been used globally to serve cross-cultural ministry workers. This isn't an experimental approach—it's a time-tested model with decades of proven effectiveness in helping missionaries navigate the complex realities of cross-cultural ministry.
Why This Missionary Debriefing Model Works
Exchange at the Cross is built on several core convictions that make it uniquely effective:
1. The Road to Emmaus is the biblical prototype
Just as Jesus walked alongside the confused disciples, listened to their story, and helped them reframe their understanding, this debriefing model creates space for missionaries to process their experience with Jesus present in the conversation.
2. No quick fixes
The model explicitly rejects the "fix-it" mentality. The goal is not to resolve all problems or answer all questions in five days, but to create space for genuine encounter with the living Christ—who continues the work of transformation long after the debriefing retreat ends.
3. The cross is central to transformation
The name "Exchange at the Cross" reflects the conviction that real change happens as missionaries bring their burdens, disappointments, and false beliefs to the cross and exchange them for Jesus' truth, freedom, and hope.
4. Confidentiality creates safety
Missionaries need absolute assurance that what they share remains confidential. This safe space allows for the kind of honest processing that rarely happens in public ministry contexts where there's pressure to appear "victorious."
5. Trained facilitators walk alongside
Facilitators are trained to ask good questions and create space for the Holy Spirit to work, not to diagnose problems, prescribe solutions, or rush participants to predetermined outcomes.
When We Lean Into Jesus, He Replaces Deferred Hope
Here's the beautiful truth: when we lean into Jesus, He doesn't just sympathize with our deferred hope—He replaces it.
Romans 15:13 declares: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
From Hope in Outcomes to Hope in the Person of Jesus
Notice this verse doesn't promise that our specific hopes will be fulfilled. It promises that the God of hope will fill us. Our hope shifts from outcomes to the Person of Jesus Himself.
This is the transformation that happens in debriefing—and this is the transformation I experienced in my own recent struggle.
My Personal Testimony: Learning to Trust the Author
When I stopped trying to write my own story and recognized God as the Author, I didn't get the outcome I wanted. The thing I hoped would close didn't close. I'm still carrying burdens I wish I could put down.
But I gained something far more valuable: a deeper trust in the Author.
I learned that:
His presence is more valuable than my comfort
His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Carrying hard things draws me into deeper intimacy with Him
He is writing a better story than I could have written for myself
The Invitation: Who is Writing Your Story?
Whether you're a missionary on the field, supporting missions from home, or simply navigating your own story that doesn't seem to make sense right now, the question remains:
Who is writing your story?
Not Passivity, But Surrender
Are you trying to write it yourself, planning every chapter, forcing your preferred outcomes, striving to make things work out according to your timeline?
Or are you willing to recognize God as the Author and trust that His authorship is good?
This doesn't mean passivity. The disciples were actively walking, processing, questioning. We're called to faithful stewardship, wise planning, and diligent work.
But it does mean surrender. It means recognizing that we are characters in a larger narrative, not the authors. It means trusting that when our hopes are deferred, when our plans don't close the way we expected, when we're carrying burdens we wish we could put down—God is still writing something good.
Hearts Burning Within Us
It means learning to say with the disciples: "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" (Luke 24:32)
Even in the midst of confusion and disappointment, even before we understood the full story, Jesus was present. He was walking with us. He was speaking to us. Our hearts were burning—we just didn't recognize Him yet.
An Invitation to Missionaries Carrying Deferred Hope
If you're a missionary carrying deferred hope, unmet expectations, or questions about whether you've missed God's call—you're not alone, and you haven't failed.
You may need space to stop striving and invite Jesus into your actual story. You may need permission to be honest about the struggles you've been hiding. You may need someone to walk alongside you without trying to fix you.
Exchange at the Cross debriefing may be exactly what you need. Not to solve all your problems, but to encounter Jesus in the midst of them. Not to get all the answers, but to trust the Author more deeply.
We'd be honored to walk this journey with you. Learn more about our debriefing retreats.
Final Thoughts: The Story Continues
My story isn't finished. The thing I hoped would close still hasn't closed. I'm still carrying burdens I wish I could put down.
But I'm learning to trust the Author.
The missionaries we serve—their stories aren't finished either. Many are in the middle of difficult chapters. Some are walking away from "Jerusalem," confused and discouraged like the Emmaus disciples.
But we believe Jesus is walking with them. We believe that as they invite Him into their actual stories, their eyes will be opened. We believe hope will be restored—not hope in outcomes, but hope in the God who authors all stories.
And we believe the best chapters are often the ones we never would have written for ourselves.
Frequently Asked Questions About God's Authorship and Hope Deferred
Q: What does it mean that God is the Author of my story?
A: When we say God is the Author of our story, we mean that He has sovereign control over the narrative of our lives, even when circumstances don't unfold according to our plans. Proverbs 16:9 captures this: "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." We can prepare, pray, and plan carefully, but ultimately God writes the larger narrative. This doesn't diminish our responsibility to steward our calling faithfully—it simply acknowledges that we are characters in His story, not the authors. Just as Joseph couldn't see how his pit, Potiphar's house, and prison were all chapters preparing him to save nations, we often can't see how our current unresolved circumstances fit into God's redemptive purposes. Recognizing God as Author is both humbling (we must release control) and freeing (the burden of a "successful" story doesn't rest on our shoulders).
Q: What does "hope deferred" mean in Proverbs 13:12?
A: Proverbs 13:12 states, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Hope deferred describes the emotional and spiritual weight we carry when our deeply held expectations are repeatedly delayed or denied. It's not about trivial disappointments—it's about holy hopes that don't materialize on our timeline: the ministry breakthrough that doesn't come, the relationship that doesn't heal, the provision that doesn't arrive, the circumstance that won't close. The Hebrew word for "heart sick" conveys a deep grief, a weariness of soul. This isn't spiritual failure; it's a normal human response to the gap between what we believed God was calling us toward and what we're actually experiencing. The disciples on the road to Emmaus demonstrated hope deferred when they said, "We had hoped he was the one who would redeem Israel" (Luke 24:21). Past tense. Their hope had shifted from expectation to disappointment.
Q: How can unresolved circumstances be part of God's good plan?
A: Romans 8:28 promises that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Notice it says all things—not just the circumstances that make sense or close neatly. Joseph's story powerfully demonstrates this. His brothers' betrayal, Potiphar's wife's false accusation, and years forgotten in prison were all unresolved injustices that made no sense in the moment. Yet God was weaving them into a plan to save nations. Joseph himself declared, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Genesis 50:20). The unresolved seasons weren't just leading to his purpose—they were preparinghim for it. The pit taught him God's presence in abandonment. The prison refined his character and gifts. What looked like delay was actually divine preparation. God often uses what we can't close to grow us into who we need to become.
Q: Why doesn't God just resolve things before moving me to a new season?
A: This is the question many of us wrestle with: "Why am I carrying this weight into new territory?" We assume closure is always better, that finishing one chapter cleanly before starting another is God's preferred method. But Scripture shows God often works differently. Moses led Israel out of Egypt while still carrying the weight of his own past failures and insecurities. David was anointed king years before he actually took the throne, carrying that unresolved promise through wilderness and persecution. Paul's "thorn in the flesh" remained despite repeated prayer for removal, because God's strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Sometimes God doesn't remove what we're carrying because He's doing something deeper—teaching us that His presence is more valuable than our comfort, that our dependency on Him matters more than our desired outcomes. The weight we carry into new seasons often becomes the very thing that keeps us leaning into Him rather than relying on ourselves.
Q: How do I trust God as Author when my story doesn't make sense?
A: Trusting God as Author when your story doesn't make sense requires a shift from sight to faith. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us: "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." The Emmaus disciples couldn't see resurrection while they were still processing crucifixion. They couldn't reconcile their expectations with their reality. But Jesus was present even when they didn't recognize Him. Their hearts were burning even before they understood the full story (Luke 24:32). Trusting God as Author doesn't mean we understand the current chapter—it means we believe the Author is good, even when the plot seems broken. It means continuing to walk, process honestly, and invite Jesus into our actual story rather than waiting for it to make sense before we engage.
Q: What's the difference between God as Author and me being passive?
A: Recognizing God as Author doesn't mean passivity; it means surrender. The Emmaus disciples were actively walking, processing, and questioning. They weren't passive; they were honest. We're still called to faithful stewardship, wise planning, diligent work, and active participation in what God has given us. Abraham was called to leave his country, but he still had to pack, travel, and make decisions along the way. Joseph interpreted dreams and managed well in every circumstance, even unjust ones. Mary said "yes" to carrying the Messiah, then actively participated in raising Him. The difference isn't between active and passive—it's between striving to control outcomes versus surrendering to God's sovereignty. We can plan our course diligently (Proverbs 16:9a) while trusting the LORD to establish our steps (Proverbs 16:9b). We work faithfully while releasing the outcomes to the Author who sees what we cannot.
Q: How does hope in Jesus differ from hope in outcomes?
A: Romans 15:13 declares: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Notice this verse doesn't promise our specific hopes will be fulfilled—it promises the God of hope will fill us. This is the fundamental shift: from hoping our circumstances will change to hoping in the unchanging character of God. When our hope rests on outcomes—ministry success, healed relationships, financial provision, resolved circumstances—we're devastated when those outcomes are deferred. But when our hope rests on Jesus Himself, we can experience peace even in unresolved situations. The disciples' hope in a political messiah was shattered, but encountering the resurrected Christ gave them something better: hope rooted in God's actual redemptive plan rather than their expected version of it. This doesn't minimize our disappointment over deferred outcomes, but it provides an anchor that holds when our circumstances don't.
Q: Can I be honest with God about my disappointment and still trust Him?
A: Absolutely. Scripture is filled with examples of God's people expressing honest disappointment, confusion, and even anger while remaining in relationship with Him. The Psalms are full of raw lament: "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?" (Psalm 13:1). Jeremiah accused God of deceiving him (Jeremiah 20:7). Job questioned God's justice. The Emmaus disciples openly voiced their shattered expectations to Jesus (though they didn't recognize Him). God isn't threatened by our honesty—in fact, He invites it. Pretending everything is fine when our hearts are sick with deferred hope doesn't honor God; it creates distance. Jesus didn't rebuke the Emmaus disciples for their disappointment. He walked with them, listened, and created space for them to process before helping them reframe their understanding. Trusting God as Author doesn't mean suppressing our questions or pain—it means bringing them into His presence rather than walking away. Honest lament is an act of faith because it assumes God is present and listening.
